


Lying

by Python07



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 11:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3766258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archer and Lana have a conversation while locked in a secure vault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lying

There was a rueful sigh and then “It’s your fault we’re stuck in here.”

The other voice snickered, “No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Don’t worry about it. They’ll get us out soon. Now, answer the question.”

“Fine.” Lana sat on the floor in one of the secure vaults at ISIS. She sat with her back against the wall and her legs curled to the side. She took a drink from a silver flask. She chuckled, just on the border of being tipsy. “If I could do any woman, it would be Tamara from accounting.”

Archer sat on the floor across from her. He whistled. “She’s hot. Can I watch?”

“No.”

“Oh, wait. Better idea,” Archer said excitedly and shifted position to sit up on his knees. He held his hands up as if to conjure his fantasy. “I’d love to paint the two of you. Your gorgeous mocha skin against her ivory body. Dark hair and red hair. So hot.”

Lana took another drink. “You don’t paint.”

Archer shrugged and waved a hand dismissively. “I could learn.”

Lana tossed the flask back to him. “No. You’d ruin it.”

Archer’s eyes widened in comic indignation. “No, I wouldn’t.”

Lana nodded. “Yes, you would cause you can’t keep your mouth shut.”

Archer settled back against the wall and swallowed the last of the whiskey. He blinked blurrily and his words slurred. He pointed at her. “Yes, I can.”

Lana pointed right back at him. “Your turn.”

It took Archer a couple times to get the flask back into his pocket. He had to use one hand to hold the pocket wide and guide the flask home. “My turn for what?” he asked dumbly.

Lana rolled her eyes. “If you could do another guy, who would it be? And we already said no actors or rock stars.”

Archer’s head shot up and his nose wrinkled in distasted. “I wouldn’t.”

“Oh, please,” Lana drawled.

“What?” Archer challenged. He thumped his own chest. “I’m 100% man.” He let out a series of grunts reminiscent of Tim Allen. “I’m a caveman, Lana. You hear me? Caveman.”

“Is that why being around Ray turns you into a sixth grader?”

Archer tilted his head to the side. He closed his eyes for a long moment and held one finger up. He opened them again. Slowly. “What?”

Lana smirked. “You pick on him like little boys do to girls when they have a crush.”

Archer folded his arms across his chest and pouted. “I do not.”

Lana laughed. “Right.”

“Stop, Lana!”

Lana laughed harder. “And you went ballistic the last time Ray had a date.”

“Did not,” Archer muttered sullenly as he stared at the floor. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because you’ve said on more than one occasion…” Lana began gleefully… “and I quote ‘Lying is like 95% of what I do.’”

Archer glared at her but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I hate you right now.”

Lana rubbed her hands together and laughed evilly. “And you know what the best part is? You don’t have a shot in hell.”

“Why not?” Archer snapped and immediately slapped his hand over his own mouth.

Lana enjoyed the embarrassed flush on his face. “Cause you’re an asshole and I don’t lie.”


End file.
